As Thanksgiving approaches every year, I always feel the pain of the absence of my mom and dad at the table though they died many years ago. This year, as so many of us face a different kind of Thanksgiving, we cannot gather with our children or grandchildren. Many of us have also experienced the death of loved ones since last celebrating the holidays, and the losses seem magnified.
There is no need to bring out the extra-long table cloth or the set of dishes to serve 16. A 15-pound turkey will suffice instead of the 27-pounder we usually serve. One of the many empty baskets I have hanging in the kitchen is all I will need for the smaller number of rolls I will make for our dinner.
As I look over the baskets, I remember a Thanksgiving homily offered by my pastor many years ago, soon after my parents' death. It seems to resonate more today.
"No matter how complete our dinner maybe, the truth is we are, as human beings, very incomplete," he said.
Gesturing to the empty baskets resting near the altar space, he continued, "Even on this festive day some of us have areas where we feel a certain emptiness: A loved one who is no longer there—we miss their presence and laughter; families separated by distance or circumstances; the illness or loneliness of someone we love; workplaces where people are alienated or where there is no forgiveness or peace, and, more sadly, families that experience the same reality."
"There are so many forms of emptiness in our lives—our existence is filled with baskets, little or big, of emptiness," he said, reminding us of our tendency to fill the basket up with "so many things that are not of God, rather than holding the basket open and empty before God so he can fill it."
He encouraged us to "reflect quietly and honestly … and be overwhelmed by all that is ours."
At that time, it was easier to enter into that reflection, despite what I felt was an overwhelming loss. However, I had a full life, six healthy and happy children, a home, work I loved, and opportunities to help others. I realized that I had been standing a long time in grief, looking at the empty baskets and missing the table of blessings set by God.
Today, I find it hard to move from where I stand, looking at the empty baskets. I know it will take more than quiet reflection to get me past the losses of the past year. It is going to take prayer, a lot of prayers, self-care, and much support.
I find some of that in the beautiful thought of American essayist and writer, Rebecca Harding Davis: For, after all, put it as we may to ourselves, we are all of us from birth to death guests at a table which we did not spread. The sun, the earth, love, friends, our very breath are parts of the banquet... Shall we think of the day as a chance to come nearer to our Host and to find out something of Him who has fed us so long?
I pray this season of Thanksgiving will be a time for all of us to draw nearer to our God.
Mary Regina Morrell is a Catholic journalist, author, and syndicated columnist who has served the dioceses of Metuchen and Trenton, New Jersey, and RENEW International in the areas of catechesis and communication.