More and more, one of the most common words I hear from parents is “overwhelmed.”

It’s easy to understand the feeling, especially as we continue to deal with the life-changing challenges of a pandemic. Even without a pandemic, parenting can sometimes leave us feeling like we are drowning, and no one is throwing us a life jacket.

Exhaustion, overwork, a sick or medically compromised child, inadequate finances or health insurance, fear about children’s safety, sibling jealousy, trying to balance more plates than is humanly possible and then faulting ourselves for dropping some. The reasons for feeling overwhelmed may be different for every parent, but for most they are almost too numerous to list.

What then, could I possibly suggest, as a help for overwhelmed parents? The Internet is already full of suggestions. The last thing I’d want is to regurgitate someone else’s ideas.

Then I remembered. Years ago, I wrote a small book entitled, “Through the Strength of Heaven.” I haven’t thought much about it since it went out of print. It was a collection of my columns written to encourage parents and others who were struggling for one reason or another.

I borrowed the title from the Lorica of St. Patrick, a prayer attributed to the well-known saint who faced kidnapping, enslavement, hunger, and brutality but never gave up his God-given mission to the Irish people. He wrote that he was able to accomplish what he did “through the strength of Heaven.”

I was happy when a Catholic publisher decided to publish the book, but I was disappointed when they wanted to change the title to something “catchier.” They chose a title from one of my columns, “Angels in High Top Sneakers,” and developed the cover around it. But I was sorry to lose the strength of heaven, because it spoke so deeply to how I got through so many rough patches in my parenting life.

Certainly, it was prayer and a reliance on God’s strength that got me through when my own strength was waning, and believe me, there were times when waning meant running on empty. What I began to realize is that it wasn’t just strength I found in prayer, but guidance in making decisions, insight when I needed it, wisdom in relationships and being led to the right people and right resources to lighten my load and help me for the good of my family.

When I read the Lorica of St. Patrick, I cried, because it was exactly what I had been experiencing, even with my poorly composed entreaties for help—also known as prayers.

A lorica is known as a prayer of protection, so the full prayer is also known as the Breastplate of St. Patrick. Because of its length I will share those parts that were most helpful to me in overcoming the sometimes overwhelming experience of parenting, and reinforced the truth I felt every time I prayed, “I arise today thought the strength of heaven…

I arise today
Through the strength of heaven:
Light of sun

Brilliance of moon
Splendor of fire
Speed of lightning
Swiftness of wind
Depth of sea
Stability of earth
Firmness of rock.

I arise today Through God’s strength to pilot me:

God’s might to uphold me,

God’s wisdom to guide me

God’s eye to look before me,

God’s ear to hear me,

God’s word to speak for me,

God’s hand to guard me,

God’s way to lie before me …

I arise today Through a mighty strength, the invocation of the Trinity,

Through belief in the Thrones,

Through confession of the Oneness

Towards the Creator.

St. Patrick’s prayer for protection became an important part of my prayer life, but I suggest to anyone who needs healing of some kind to pray in a way or with prayers that are most meaningful for them. Established prayers are easy to remember because for many of us we memorized them as children. But the saints tell us that what’s needed most in prayer is love, honesty and humility.

The best way to pray is to say what’s in your heart and ask for what you need, especially if you need encouragement to pray. As another beloved saint, St. Francis of Assisi, reflected, “Prayer is true rest.”

What parent doesn’t need some rest?

As with most kids in my generation, childhood included exposure to daytime soap operas. We may not have actually taken a seat on the couch to watch them, but we probably have memories of their titles or their theme songs.

Surprisingly, one soap opera has served as an inspiration for me, in both my professional and spiritual lives. I often recall the voice of its introduction, especially when I’ve thrown away important moments: “Like the sands of the hourglass, so are the Days of Our Lives.”

The image of the hourglass with sand slipping out, beyond our control, can be a powerful reminder that our time is limited and, especially when we have children, we need to make an effort to give children what they need most—our time.

There is no doubt that today’s lifestyle, with the need for parents to work one or more jobs, and to sometimes leave young children in childcare to accommodate work schedules, is a challenge to time spent with them.

Fortunately, the times that are valuable for our children include those moments when we can talk with them and laugh with them, not just when we take them to special places.

When my youngest of six was entering fifth grade, I decided, for a variety of reasons, to move him to a different school. I chose one in the town where I was working, which required me to drive him to school and pick him up to take him home. If I kept him locally, he could have taken the bus and gotten dropped off at the corner where I live.

I felt the drive to school every morning and our drive home would add to the time I had with just him, time for talking about what happened that day, learning more about him and his school friends, stopping for something to eat or drink on the way home, all simple things that were invaluable to our relationship.

When he entered high school and could finally drive, he would call me on days when they got out early and ask if I wanted to go out for lunch. We had something that was nurtured in fifth grade and has continued throughout adulthood—conversations.

Conversations can happen in the kitchen while preparing dinner together and cleaning up together, they happen on the way to sports or music or cheerleading. With young children, they happen during the important moments of bedtime and reading together and talking about a story.

With my grandchildren I have found that folding laundry, doing puzzles and being involved in an activity that relates to my work, writing, or Pop’s work, carpentry, are times of great conversations. They love to talk about what they like to do or give suggestions on how they would run a business like Pop’s if they had one (I’ve written a few of them down!), and particularly what they will do with the money they make, which opens the door for some talk about the value of saving money.

Of course, sitting around the dinner table together is an invaluable time for family discussions. It’s also a wonderful time for a simple shared moment of Grace, and a time to remind your children that you pray for them without ceasing, especially when you cannot be together.

It’s important for us, as parents, to not get discouraged if we feel time is limited with our children. There are still many unscripted and spontaneous moments in which they can feel our presence and know they are loved.

When my son and his wife had to spend months at a children’s hospital in another state after the birth of their fourth son, I had the privilege of taking care of the other three brothers.

You can learn a lot when you spend that much time with young children.

The youngest was born in October so the usual rituals of Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas would have a different look that year.

New rituals, not only for the holidays, but for everyday getting-through, were born.

The weekend ritual began with the boys packing a backpack, a toy or two, and their favorite blanket before their aunt and uncle picked them up to drive them to the hospital to see their brother, and to spend the weekend with mom and dad in a temporary apartment.

It was something they looked forward to and planned for all week.

Their real home became the getting ready place for rituals that would happen, but look different, in their new temporary home. There were Halloween costumes and trick-or-treating but in a different neighborhood—the hospital.

As Thanksgiving approached, my six-year-old grandson announced out of the blue, “I really love Thanksgiving,” hoping that his parents and baby brother would be home in time to celebrate.

When I asked him why, all the things he pointed out were part of the ritual: “We decorate the table. Dad sits here and I get to sit here, and mom always makes (a long list here) and we pass everything around and it’s so delicious and we talk about stuff.”

If we look back to when we were young, we may be surprised that some of the most memorable rituals or celebrations the are simplest ones.

For me it was the Sunday ritual of going to my aunt’s house after Mass and sitting around the small kitchen table with five other children vying for space and some portion of the Syrian bread and olives that usually graced the table. It was loud, it was delicious, it was memorable.

After that we went back to our quiet house and settled in to watch TV together while Sunday dinner was cooking. We always had an early dinner on Sunday, but some luscious little treat saved for later with tea.

I loved Sundays and I remember Sundays because of the ritual.

For my sons, I think most would say they loved picking out the Christmas tree, tying it on the car roof and then going to the diner for hot chocolate and something to eat. They valued it enough to continue it with their own families.

While family life today may not provide the same opportunities for time together with extended family, there are other simple rituals that will help build relationships within the family and become wonderful memories for your children.

You may already have them woven into your family life. Taco Tuesdays, Wednesday Waffles, bedtime stories, pumpkin picking, movie nights at home, evening prayers, are all simple rituals that bring lasting memories.

Consider sharing your memories of rituals with your children. You may be surprised what they share back.

As someone in the communication industry, who routinely asks questions or offers direction to colleagues through email, I still sometimes find myself responding to their emails with “I’m sorry if I wasn’t clear.”

Good, effective communication is not easy, especially when it’s not face-to-face, or at least voice-to-voice. Tone of voice, facial expression and body language are part of communication and help others better understand what we are trying to communicate.

Of course, that doesn’t make it fool-proof, especially where emotions are concerned.

We know open and honest communication is essential for our families, but often communications take place when we are frustrated, fearful, angry or hurt. Our words and our body language are reflective of our emotions, which may be honest at the time, but not effective in imparting what we truly want our children to hear and understand.

My biggest mistake as a grandparent, one I lost many nights of sleep over, was losing my patience with a screaming, defiant two-year-old and screaming back at him at full volume. Instead of stopping his screaming, he screamed louder, terrified by my reaction and running full speed in the other direction.

I could only calm him down by picking him up and apologizing for my behavior, kissing him and telling him multiple times that I shouldn’t have done what I did, and explaining, when he was quiet, that I had been upset by his behavior and I lost my patience. I admitted to him, in front of my other grandsons, that I, like any adult caring for a child, should never lose their patience and react as I did. I asked him if he could forgive me for what I did. I don’t know if he really understood forgiveness, though I’m sure his parents have spoken of it before, but he certainly understood my tone, putting his little arms around my neck and hugging me.

He’s also the grandson who would get frustrated when he tried to join in a conversation which his older brothers seemed to dominate. When he couldn’t stand it anymore he would start crying and yelling, “No one is listening to me!” When there is too much noise and not enough clear, honest communication, members of the family— whether they are children, adults, spouses or grandparents—won’t feel heard. It’s a wonderful thing when our children feel safe talking to us about anything. Often, they will follow our lead when we share our thoughts, feelings and dreams with them—without screaming, of course. Scripture offers us the wise direction to “speak the truth in love.” It’s a wonderful command for families where love is at the heart of everything.

One of my granddaughter’s favorite words is “imagine.” It prefaces much of her playtime with her sister and often revolves around dragons or horses or family scenarios. One of her favorite imaginings when she plays with Pop is being a baby horse hatching out of an egg.

She covers herself up with a blanket, gets on all fours and when Pop sees some shaking going on under the blanket, he knows the egg is about to crack and a tiny horse will be hatched. He never tells her horses aren’t hatched out of eggs. She knows that. Her response would simply be, “Imagine they are.” There’s power in imagination. Not only is imagining fun for children, which is the best reason to encourage it, but when children use their creative minds to imagine something they are developing processes that will help them in adulthood.

They are growing their social, emotional, physical, language, and problem-solving skills. When children imagine, they are in control of all situations, something they are not in real life. Imagining is a time for them to create their own stories, make their own rules, try out their own ideas, explore in their own way. They can even be the adult in the story for a change!

Certainly, living through the pandemic has made it clear to children that much of life is out of their control, for them and for their parents, too. Spending time in control, even in an imaginary situation, helps children maintain a positive perspective and develops an encouraged attitude toward achieving rather than failing. Maintaining the ability to imagine is important for children who will all too soon become adults.

Those adults who continue to imagine are those who create new ways of doing things, who invent, who build businesses and charities because they imagined, and believed, they could. Because children absorb everything they see and hear, it’s important that we, as the adults in their lives, give them the opportunity for their own imaginings, not simply the regurgitation of something they’ve seen in video games or TV shows.

Many of the popular video games today are violence based and it is reflected in the behavior of many children when they play. Famed educator, Dr. Maria Montessori, stresses the absorbent mind of the child, writing, “The things he sees are not just remembered; they form a part of his soul.” Just imagine what the world would be like if humanity had the soul of a child. Jesus called a little child to him and placed the child among the Disciples. “And he said: ‘Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.

Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me.’”

When I was a child, I had a special outdoor place that was all mine, a hide-away place where I could make-believe, dream or read my favorite Nancy Drew books beneath the thick cover of weeping willow branches stretched to reach the ground. It was a magical place, made more so by the frequent visits from lady bugs or grasshoppers or the one-eyed squirrel my mom fed every day, and where the only music I heard was bird songs. It was my version of a tree house which never got off the ground, but I loved it.

For my husband, his go-to place was the woods behind his house, complete with a small creek. He says most of his childhood was spent in those woods, exploring, building, collecting lizards and such, and making up games to play with friends.

In our generation, kids and outdoors were perfect together.

Today, many children are said to be suffering from what is referred to as nature deficiency disorder. Children’s natural connection to nature is being disrupted, with sad consequences for them and for nature.

Without time for free exploration of the outdoors, to observe, absorb and build connections with the wild things of earth, children will not learn to carry nature in their hearts and may not learn to care for the earth which provides so many blessings. For a child or young person who is by nature sensorial, needing to touch, smell, hear, and see, being outside is a rich sensory experience that cannot be matched indoors.

Of course, not everyone has a yard to play in or even open green space in their neighborhood. There is a true inequality of outdoor space distribution across cities and suburbs. So, sometimes we need to build in time for nature by taking nature walks in our neighborhoods, visiting national parks, which often have special activities just for children, or a local park where climbing and playing in the open air surrounded by trees and grass under their feet can be invaluable to a child’s mental and physical health.

Other times, bringing nature indoors may be a good solution—plants to care for, a bird nesting box on a window for viewing, treasure boxes for collecting nature’s simple gifts like pinecones, stones, a variety of leaves, seeds, shells, or sea glass if a beach trip is possible.

Children who can write may enjoy keeping their own explorer journal where they log their finds and answer questions like, “What does it feel like? Look like? “How is it used?” “Can it grow?”

Binoculars, magnifying glasses, shovels, inexpensive cameras, and plenty of containers of varying sizes support the young nature lover. Budding artists can be inspired with an easel and their favorite paints set up outdoors, invited by an almost unlimited supply of subjects and no paint on the floor.

Children have a remarkable ability for wonder, and nowhere will they experience it in such variety as in nature. Sharing that wonderful work of miracles with our children is the perfect time to teach them that the earth belongs to God and was created by God for our good. Then they may look forward to their role as future stewards of creation with love and joy.

During a visit to a religious education class some years ago, I sat in a circle with 15 kindergarten children as their teacher engaged them in a discussion about the 10 Commandments and obeying the rules. I imagined she heard one of her charges say emphatically, “You’re not the boss of me!” and decided to talk about the idea of bosses.

A volley of questions and some hysterical answers got underway as children spoke about who they thought their teachers’ and parents’ bosses were, and what they were like (NOT a question that was asked but descriptions were offered none-the-less).

“Everyone has a boss, even the Pope!” stressed the teacher, pointing to the photo of then Pope John Paul II hanging on the wall.

“Who do you think his boss is?” she queried, anticipating that one of her young students would answer “God!”

A tousled-hair little boy who had laid down in the circle during the discussion suddenly shot up, his arm flailing wildly as he shouted, “I know, I know!”

The teacher smiled broadly as she called on him. He jumped to his feet and yelled, “His mom!!”

It was priceless, and definitely a reply to make a mother proud!

Obviously, this delightful child learned the lesson that in a family, mom—and dad—are the bosses. What he might not have been able to articulate is the truth that having parents in a position of loving authority provides him with an invaluable sense of security.

Through their divine vocation, God gives parents oversight of their children’s care and development. An important part of that care is discipline, a positive approach, often confused with punishment, a negative approach.

Discipline may be as simple as saying no, and meaning it. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t or can’t explain the reason for our no. It just means the consequence should be a certainty.

Let’s just consider the supermarket scenario. We’ve all been there. A child wants candy, parents say no. The child doesn’t accept no and the back and forth becomes louder and louder until the child is inconsolable. To save their sanity and regain decorum, the parent eventually gives in.

In that instant a child has learned that no doesn’t really mean no.  If we repeat that inconsistency, it’s one lesson the child will never forget because it works in their favor, not ours.

No is an invaluable word in a parent’s arsenal, when used judiciously. Still, many parents are concerned that imposing limits, or discipline, on their children will hamper their child’s spirit.

In truth, discipline offered lovingly is a means of teaching the lessons which will hopefully lead children to adulthood with the understanding that the most important discipline is self-discipline.

If we reflect honestly on our lives as adults, we are likely to find that the areas of our lives we are most dissatisfied with are those in which we failed to exercise enough self-discipline—our health, our finances, our relationships, or reaching our professional or personal goals.

When St. Paul wrote to Timothy, he encouraged and strengthened the young disciple’s resolve for his ministry, stressing, “For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.”

St Paul encouraged Timothy to rely on the Spirit of God. These are encouraging words for us as well as we strive to raise our children well.

A day at the beach is much different now that we are older. We enjoy the ocean from a distance, comfortably sitting on the patio of a boardwalk restaurant, watching the waves and, most interestingly, the people.

Among the memorable experiences of a recent trip, was one that reminded me of the words of renowned American poet and author, Maya Angelou, who wrote "Life is a gift, and I try to respond with grace and courtesy."

This day, a group of some 25 youngsters from a county recreation program piled out on the patio to eat their lunches. For the most part, they were well-behaved, but there were a few instances of bullying, trash-talking, and lots of trash left behind.

What I didn’t notice was visible oversight by their counselors, six young adults, and one adult supervisor. While they were all present on the patio, the young adults never left their tables or raised their eyes from their cell phones.

The only time I heard the adult was when he called out that they were leaving and the youngsters raced off the patio into the pavilion, leaving behind garbage on the patio and tables, and chairs were strewn about.

It occurred to me that those who had been assigned the responsibility to care for these youngsters had missed many opportunities during that 45-minute lunch to guide their charges in what it means to be respectful, and to respond to life with the traits of courtesy and grace.

Good habits of courtesy, kindness, and respect need to be reinforced regularly and not just by parents. Our children do not live in a vacuum. They are impacted by the good or bad, social behaviors of others. When responsible adults, like teachers, counselors, family members, and others help reinforce the development of positive character traits, it helps parents achieve their goals for their children.

Modeling, of course, is the most effective way of teaching good habits. But certainly, it is not difficult to explain to a group of children before they sit down for lunch that they are responsible for all garbage being disposed of properly and all chairs being returned and pushed in out of respect for themselves and for other patrons, and then making sure those things are done as expected before getting on with their day.

A bright spot in the day was when two young girls, who were sitting at a table already filled to capacity, invited another young girl who was sitting all alone to join them. The young girl was obviously feeling hurt after being rebuffed twice by another girl who saved four empty seats for friends who didn’t show up until lunch was almost over.

There is great wisdom in the Proverb, “Train the young in the way they should go; even when old, they will not swerve from it.”

When we help children develop positive, life-affirming traits of self-confidence, courage, respect, and care for others and for creation, we not only help them grow into the people God intended them to be, we create ripples of good that flow out into the world and last a lifetime.

RCL Benziger offers a great program that can be taught in the parish, school, or home. It's our Family Life program.

The program presents Catholic moral teaching and addresses key concerns of today’s Catholic communities, schools, and families. In every grade level, Family Life implements child safety education, promotes virtuous living, and strengthens Catholic identity. The Family Life program reinforces the Catholic virtues and values that your children attain with their education. Family Life is an essential component for your religious education program and meets Social and Emotional Learning (SEL) standards and benchmarks.

RCL Benziger’s new eAssessment platform also provides your Catholic school with the ability to monitor, track, and report the completion of the Child Safety Education Standards for our Family Life program.

• Integrate Family Life Catholic virtues and values into everyday life
• Teach students self-awareness, social awareness, and how to make wise choices
• Train students on the appropriate use of the internet and social media
• Promote child safety education and a safe environment • Prepare students for dealing with peer pressure, bullying, and friendships
• Partner with parents and support Catholic families, enriching Catholic identity

This innovative program focuses on partnering with parents. It guides children, parents, teachers, and catechists to integrate five themes into Catholic family living: God’s gifts of family, self, life, love, and community. It presents the teachings of the Church with clarity and offers support for Catholic families.

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For our family, the small, above-ground pool in our backyard was the source of some of our best memories.

So I wasn’t surprised when, during our last visit to our grandsons, my husband leaned on the rail of their above-ground pool and shared some of the games he played with our sons when they were young.

Soon, I noticed him throwing coins into the water, followed by his loud, “Go!”

A race for retrieving the coins began. There was lots of yelling and splashing and arguing over who was first, along with a lot of laughter.    
No doubt there will be requests for this simple game every time Pop comes to visit in the summer, just as there were requests by my sons for checkers with their Poppy, or badminton tournaments or long walks for collecting stuff to fill young pockets.

Memories are part of the bonding that holds families together. They can take shape on the most amazing trips together, or in a quiet moment listening to tree frogs in the backyard. The important thing is to catch them and share them.

When we become memory catchers we are helping our children to be firm in their sense of belonging and the knowledge they are secure within the heart of the family. And when they are adults, it is those memories that will be celebrated around the Thanksgiving table, or on Christmas morning, or when they catch certain smells wafting through the air and remember roasting marshmallows over a fire in a garbage can lid in the backyard, or making cookies with grandma, or the scent of someone they love.

Parents, who may one day become grandparents, have the important job of being the memory keepers and making memories a powerful part of the family history. While we have the amazing resource of photos on our phones, there is no substitute for an old-fashioned photo album.

One of my friends has a family photo album for every year, another creates one that covers multiple years of a child’s life and gives it as a gift during the holidays or for a birthday. Another leaves their wedding album out on a table so children and grandchildren can flip through it and ask a dozen questions about a time before they were born.

Roman statesman and philosopher Marcus Tullius Cicero, in the first century B.C., explained it beautifully: “Memory is the treasury and guardian of all things.”

The most treasured memories come from moments of love shared. Make some memories today.

Mary Regina Morrell, mother of six and grandmother to nine, is a Catholic journalist, author, and syndicated columnist who has served the dioceses of Metuchen and Trenton, New Jersey, and RENEW International in the areas of catechesis and communication.

Have you tried Our Family Devotions?

Build new memories by celebrating or learning the many ways people of different cultures express the Catholic faith in their churches, neighborhoods, and homes. As the Good News of Jesus spread around the world, people in every culture found special ways to express their faith in God. Through the ritual words and gestures of popular devotions, Catholics show their love for God and devotion to Mary and the saints. 

Some popular devotions begin with a message that is given to a person and then shared with others. Many traditions grow from the blending of the Catholic faith with a cultural celebration. Although the prayers and rituals may be adapted to meet the spiritual needs of culture, all popular devotions are intended to help people recognize God’s love for them and grow in their love for God. 

It is our prayer that through this book your family will experience God in new ways in your everyday lives. May the diverse and rich traditions of families and the Church from around the world lead you to find new ways of living out your faith. May the beauty of these devotions remind us that we are one family in Jesus Christ, sharing God’s love in our homes, churches, and communities.

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My grandson is digging a hole in the backyard. Not really earthshaking for a 10-year-old, but he’s been digging it for three years. 

At some point, as one small shovel full of dirt after another was removed, the idea of the hole became an idea of a bunker and he was determined to follow through with his plan. Today, three children his age can stand in the hole chest deep and he’s tried to enlist his Pop to help him shore up the sides for safety.

Recently, as we sat at the kitchen table together, trying to unravel the mystery of fractions, he digressed at the sight of looming dark clouds and said, “I hope the storm doesn’t fill up my hole.”

I asked him why it was such a concern for him, as it was only a hole in the ground. He seemed genuinely surprised I would have to ask such a question. “You know it took me three years to dig!”

I smiled, not just at his enthusiasm for his project, but because I realized I now had a built-in “parable,” with him at the center of the story, to remind him of the importance and value of moving forward, taking one small step at a time.

Whether it’s learning fractions, mastering a musical instrument or sport, learning to draw or paint, or even to read, the idea that it can, and will, happen one small step at a time can go a long way in dispelling the discouragement children often feel when they struggle with some accomplishment.

And let’s be honest. Discouragement is an adult issue, too.
Not only do we often feel called to be the best we can be at whatever it is we are doing, it is important for us to make a difference in the world. But year after year it seems easier to become overwhelmed by the needs of the world, the community, our parishes, our poor, so much so that we never move out in faith to fill any of those needs.

But every journey begins with the first step. 

As an adult still trying to figure out how I could accomplish what I wanted to in life, I found encouragement in the life and words of Dorothy Day, social activist, writer, and Catholic convert, on her way to sainthood, whose Catholic Worker Movement and “houses of hospitality” would serve the poor and hungry in some 200 communities. 

Day wrote, "People say, 'What is the sense of our small effort?' They cannot see that we must lay one brick at a time, take one step at a time."

Even today, she keeps me walking forward, and building with my little bits and pieces, even on those days when I feel like, "What's the use?"

Children and adults are both empowered when we understand the ability of a single brick, a shovelful of dirt, a small offering of help to one person in need, to make a difference.

Did you know we have a webpage to help you learn about the saints? 

View Saints Resources