by Mary Clifford Morrell
During a visit to a religious education class some years ago, I sat in a circle with 15 kindergarten children as their teacher engaged them in a discussion about the 10 Commandments and obeying the rules. I imagined she heard one of her charges say emphatically, “You’re not the boss of me!” and decided to talk about the idea of bosses.
A volley of questions and some hysterical answers got underway as children spoke about who they thought their teachers’ and parents’ bosses were, and what they were like (NOT a question that was asked but descriptions were offered none-the-less).
“Everyone has a boss, even the Pope!” stressed the teacher, pointing to the photo of then Pope John Paul II hanging on the wall.
“Who do you think his boss is?” she queried, anticipating that one of her young students would answer “God!”
A tousled-hair little boy who had laid down in the circle during the discussion suddenly shot up, his arm flailing wildly as he shouted, “I know, I know!”
The teacher smiled broadly as she called on him. He jumped to his feet and yelled, “His mom!!”
It was priceless, and definitely a reply to make a mother proud!
Obviously, this delightful child learned the lesson that in a family, mom—and dad—are the bosses. What he might not have been able to articulate is the truth that having parents in a position of loving authority provides him with an invaluable sense of security.
Through their divine vocation, God gives parents oversight of their children’s care and development. An important part of that care is discipline, a positive approach, often confused with punishment, a negative approach.
Discipline may be as simple as saying no, and meaning it. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t or can’t explain the reason for our no. It just means the consequence should be a certainty.
Let’s just consider the supermarket scenario. We’ve all been there. A child wants candy, parents say no. The child doesn’t accept no and the back and forth becomes louder and louder until the child is inconsolable. To save their sanity and regain decorum, the parent eventually gives in.
In that instant a child has learned that no doesn’t really mean no. If we repeat that inconsistency, it’s one lesson the child will never forget because it works in their favor, not ours.
No is an invaluable word in a parent’s arsenal, when used judiciously. Still, many parents are concerned that imposing limits, or discipline, on their children will hamper their child’s spirit.
In truth, discipline offered lovingly is a means of teaching the lessons which will hopefully lead children to adulthood with the understanding that the most important discipline is self-discipline.
If we reflect honestly on our lives as adults, we are likely to find that the areas of our lives we are most dissatisfied with are those in which we failed to exercise enough self-discipline—our health, our finances, our relationships, or reaching our professional or personal goals.
When St. Paul wrote to Timothy, he encouraged and strengthened the young disciple’s resolve for his ministry, stressing, “For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.”
St Paul encouraged Timothy to rely on the Spirit of God. These are encouraging words for us as well as we strive to raise our children well.
Mary Regina Morrell, mother of six and grandmother to nine, is a Catholic journalist, author, and syndicated columnist who has served the dioceses of Metuchen and Trenton, New Jersey, and RENEW International in the areas of catechesis and communication.