When I take care of my grandsons, the oldest and I have a personal joke between us. He will inevitably say, “So Nanny, do you think today will be a hot cup of tea day?”
It came about over several months of caring for them. I would plan to sit down with a hot cup of tea and relax for 10 minutes but would always have to get up for one reason or another. Then, when I finally got to drink my tea, it was always cold.
Once, as I reheated my tea in the microwave, he quipped, “Do you think you will actually get to drink your tea today while it’s hot?”
I laughed at his observation, and he’s been asking ever since.
For me, having 10 minutes to drink a hot cup of tea is a form of self-care, especially in the busy, boisterous world of caring for four young children.
Being responsible for the care of children is a privilege, a blessing, and a challenge that can easily become overwhelming. However, one of the best pieces of advice I ever received regarding a fundamental practice for child care came from Scripture.
It is part of what is referred to as "the Great Commandment” and is found in the Gospel of Luke: “… love your neighbor as yourself."
The italics are mine to emphasize the critical importance of self-care, extending love to yourself, for parents, grandparents, guardians, or anyone involved in family relationships.
Of course, there is a need for balance, as human nature often leads us to selfishness. Still, an appropriate amount of self-care is not only essential in enabling us to adequately care for others, but it is a responsibility we have to care for the gift of self, given to us by God.
This loving effort extends to our physical, mental, relational, and spiritual health, all of which provide the foundation for our ability to meet the needs of others, particularly our children.
There must be some time set aside for the renewal of our body and spirit.
Realistically, self-care must happen every day and can happen in small but meaningful practices that are healing and healthy.
First, it’s helpful to evaluate what is truly important in our lives at this point in time. What can we let go of, physically or mentally, that will lower our stress levels?
Ask yourself, “What brings me a sense of peace, relaxation, refreshment or simply makes me happy?” My daughter-in-law finds refreshment in a half-hour of making art in a small corner of the family room set aside for her desk and supplies.
A fellow grandparent, who cares for any number of her 15 grandchildren multiple times a week, finds her happy place on her front porch, in the fresh air, with a good book and some homemade pie.
Others find music, baking, writing, gardening, or crafting helps refocus their minds and energies on something positive for themselves.
A friend, who works a very stressful job with long hours, recently emailed me to share that she had finally scheduled overdue appointments for physical therapy and the dentist—problems that had impacted her quality of life and stress levels. She was proud of herself for ending her procrastination, and it brought her a sense of relief.
Good friends are pillars of support. Having someone who understands what we are going through or who is at least truly interested in what we are going through is an opportunity to share our feelings, which is a critical element of self-care.
Accomplishing these practices requires we enlist our family members’ cooperation. It may take repeated conversations and standing our ground, but children need to understand that even parents need to take care of themselves.
I am happy to report that I have finally accomplished having a hot cup of tea during 10 minutes of peace and quiet, courtesy of my three-year-old grandson, who now announces to the others, “It’s time for Nanny’s tea!”
We will see what tomorrow brings.
Mary Regina Morrell, mother of six and grandmother to nine, is a Catholic journalist, author, and syndicated columnist who has served the dioceses of Metuchen and Trenton, New Jersey, and RENEW International in the areas of catechesis and communication.