When my oldest granddaughter was just three years old, she accompanied my daughter-in-law to a family wake. My daughter-in-law had instructed my granddaughter to say, “I’m sorry for your loss,” when greeting the family of the deceased in the funeral parlor.
As they stopped to speak with mourners, my granddaughter extended her little hand to each person and said with all seriousness, “I’m sorry you are lost.”
Often, out of the mouths of children comes wisdom.
What better way is there to describe that expansive feeling of grief, of losing someone whose presence has often been a compass, an anchor, an encouragement to fly and a promise of a forever home? We feel lost and adrift in our pain.
For some of us the experience seems to last forever and we wonder if we will ever feel whole again as we did when we knew who we were and where we belonged.
As human beings, we have a need to grieve such a deep loss. It is the process of grieving that allows us to heal, and often to learn that our emptiness and sense of being lost will only be overcome when we find our home in God.
Pope Francis reminds us, "Our loved ones have not disappeared into dark nothingness: Hope assures us that that they are in God's good and strong hands. Love is stronger than death."
Our sense of insolation can be tempered when we embrace our Catholic belief that we, also, are in God’s hands as we move through our grief.
The funeral rituals of our Catholic faith are important steps in our grieving, especially the Mass of Christian Burial. At the start of the Mass, the casket holding our loved one is draped with a white pall, recalling the white garment of Baptism when our Christian life begins, and reminds those gathered of their faith in the Resurrection.
During the Mass we are reminded of the union of the living and dead in the great Communion of Saints. With our faith family, we remember the life of our loved one and our belief that, though they are separated from us who are living, they are still at one with the community of believers. We also trust that they benefit from our prayers and intercession, as do we when we turn to prayer for strength.
Saint Augustine of Hippo discovered the truth that God is our true home, and Augustine shares that with us in his reflection, “Thou hast formed us for thyself, and our hearts are restless till they find rest in thee.”
Sometimes when we are lost it takes a long time to find our way again. Other times the journey is not so long. It is the same with grieving – different for everyone. But on every journey our Catholic faith is a blessed support.
The Catholic Order of Christian Funerals includes a comforting prayer for mourners:
Lord, God,
You are attentive to the voice of our pleading.
Let us find in your Son comfort in our sadness,
Certainty in our doubt, and courage to live through this hour.
Make our faith strong through Christ our Lord.
Amen.
Mary Regina Morrell is a Catholic journalist, author, and syndicated columnist who has served the dioceses of Metuchen and Trenton, New Jersey, and RENEW International in the areas of catechesis and communication.