April 29, 2020
By Mary Clifford Morrell
When my fourth grandson was born with an intestinal abnormality, it was necessary for my son and daughter-in-law to find an apartment in a neighboring state, close to the hospital where the baby would ultimately stay for almost six months. My daughter-in-law stayed there for the entire time.
I stayed at their home with their three young sons to help keep life as normal as possible, as hard as that can be when visits to mom are limited to weekends, and dad is balancing work, home, and being present for mom and baby.
It’s a difficult adjustment for young children, one that leaves them open to fear and anxiety.
One stormy night, we lost power. The storm came up quickly and we weren’t prepared for it. The howling wind and claps of thunder were scary enough, but when the lights went out there was sobbing and terror from the little ones. Cries of, “I want my mom!” broke my heart.
Thankfully, the oldest – all of nine years old – knew where the flashlights and batteries were kept, and we found candles as well. But the limited light didn’t help much to allay the children’s fears. I gathered them together on the couch in the family room to read books by flashlight, which calmed them down a bit, but as the oldest said with the insight of a philosopher, “I wouldn’t be so afraid if my mom and dad were here. They always know what to do.”
I was at a loss, except to keep telling them we would be fine and surely the lights would be on soon. And in my desperate attempt to help them feel more secure, we started listing the many things for which we could be grateful.
The middle son, age six and the spiritual soul of the family, spoke up through stifled sobs – “God is watching over us, and his angels.”
“The computer is charged so we have light from the screen,” said the oldest, “and your phone is charged so we can talk to mom and dad.” He’s the IT person among the siblings.
“Snacks,” said the two-year-old, who smiled as he reached for the organic gummy dinosaurs on the end table.
We worked our way through a long list of reasons for gratitude and I could feel their anxiety diminish. They were still missing mom and dad, but the situation was now manageable and they were more comfortable.
There’s an amazing side effect of being grateful. It diminishes fear because it flows from hope. Fear writes a story of worst possible scenarios and engenders worry of what might happen.
Gratitude reminds us that there are always blessings to fill the deep hole which fear creates.
This challenging time of dealing with quarantine, and the fears of getting sick or of loved ones getting sick, can cause great anxiety in children.
We can help them by remembering a lesson from Saint Paul, who wrote to the Ephesians while he was in prison, saying, “Be filled with the Spirit . . . giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father . . . " (Ephesians 5:18,20).
Make gratitude a practice in your home. It will help to relieve stress and keep everyone grounded in the present rather than living in fear for the future.
Consider starting a family gratitude journal. Begin it with a family prayer you write together. It will be a treasured memento in years to come.
Mary Morrell is a Catholic journalist, author, and syndicated columnist who has served the dioceses of Metuchen and Trenton, New Jersey, and RENEW International in the areas of catechesis and communication.