When my children were young, and I would catch them doing something they shouldn’t be doing, they would always ask, “How did you know?”
“Moms know everything,” I would reply.
When one of my sons went to college and was injured playing lacrosse, he had to go the hospital but never told me about his injury. He didn’t want to worry me. The next day I called him to ask him what happened and to find out how badly he was hurt.
There was a long pause on the end of the line before he said, ”How do you always know? It just happened yesterday.” I reminded him, “Moms know everything,” and if they don’t know, they inevitably find out.
It’s not something you can really explain, but I took advantage of the mystique while I could. He didn’t know for years that the hospital had called me for a bit of information because he put his home phone number on a form.
The truth of the matter is parents don’t know everything, and when our children are dealing with anxiety or fear or trauma, one of the most important things we can do as parents is admit that we don’t have all the answers.
During these past few months, and most likely for some time into the future, our children are going to have many questions about what is happening, why things are so different, are they in danger of getting sick or dying, and if things will ever go back to normal.
We can help them by giving them permission to ask the difficult questions and, when we don’t know an answer, offer to talk it over, throw out ideas, and be learners together.
The key to be able to do this is to first listen to our children. By listening we begin to develop the gift of wisdom given to us by the Holy Spirit. Wisdom will help us discern what is best for our children to hear from us and from the TV, based on their emotional states, their behaviors, and their unique needs.
Paramount to caring for children during times of anxiety is caring for ourselves. Our children know when we are stressed or fearful, even if we believe we are hiding it well. It is more helpful for them to share our strategies for self-care and to encourage them to find practices that will make them feel better as well. It’s the “children model what they see, not what they hear” principle.
And if that’s the case, then we can help children overcome fear when we model hopefulness. Life is going to throw a lot of difficult challenges at us, and at our children. We can help our children, and ourselves, to develop resiliency and diminish anxiety when we acknowledge the challenges but work to move forward with hope and a positive attitude.
Building hope is a family affair. It grows from communication—shared stories, shared fears, honesty, love, and prayer.
Hope, as it is spoken of in Scripture, is not something we simply have, it’s something we do. Hope accepts reality, no matter how difficult, but keeps us moving forward. Hope nurtures perseverance.
The Prophet Jeremiah was known as the “weeping prophet” because he was called to warn the people of the Kingdom of Judah of their impending destruction, but within that message was always a message of hope, which is always part of God’s plan.
Jeremiah reminds us of the Lord’s promise: “For I know well the plans I have in mind for you—oracle of the LORD--plans for your welfare and not for woe, so as to give you a future of hope" (Jeremiah 29:11).
Mary Regina Morrell is a Catholic journalist, author, and syndicated columnist who has served the dioceses of Metuchen and Trenton, New Jersey, and RENEW International in the areas of catechesis and communication.
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