If someone were to ask me what one of my greatest challenges as a parent is, I would quickly admit to overthinking—a form of mental clutter.
Overthinking, I believe, is often at the heart of much anxiety, worry, even insomnia, all of which seem to be, not surprisingly, at epidemic levels today. How often do we think, “If I could just turn off my brain for a while, maybe I could get some sleep.”
While I haven’t completely overcome my excessive worrying about my children, grandchildren, or family members, over the years I have discovered a helpful practice.
Embrace the white space.
After many years as a writer and newspaper editor, one of the things I truly appreciate is white space—that space on a page that is empty of images and text. One might think of it as space that is not being used, but, in reality, it is an element of design.
Designers who master the element of white space are masters at their craft, ensuring that the images and words needing the most attention get it, protected from competing distractions by a glorious use of negative space; purposeful emptiness.
A similar need is a crucial part of instrumental and choral music—the space between the notes. Without the rests and breaths that are a crucial part of a composition, music would be overwhelming for the instrumentalists and leave singers breathless. A composition would also be devoid of feeling and significance, with notes running into notes and no space to define what’s important.
When we don’t define what’s important in our own physical and mental space, we may end up feeling like we are overwhelmed, unable to breathe, or to focus on those things which bring us joy.
Embracing the white space in our lives means prioritizing our need for times devoid of visual or mental noise, to have space to rest, to pray and to listen—for ideas, for solutions to problems, for inspiration and assurance that, as Julian of Norwich observed, “All will be well.”
This practice may require a commitment from the whole family and can serve as a good time for conversations about what is important for you as a family and as individuals.
Which activities are essential, for parents or children? Which toys are most often used or loved? Which chores may be delegated so that mom or dad has a little more space to breathe and children develop a keen sense of being capable and helpful members of the family? Each family would have its own unique list.
Happily, adults are not the only ones to benefit.
Child and teen specialists explain even brief periods of quiet daily offer children and youth an opportunity to decompress, to develop creativity and mindfulness, and serve as a reset for minds routinely overstimulated by social and media interactions.
The important thing to remember is that even change made in baby steps is positive.
As I continue to strive to overcome overthinking and improve at the practice of creating space in my life for what’s most important, I often reflect on the words of author Antoine de Saint-Exupery: “Perfection is achieved not when there is nothing left to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.”
Mary Regina Morrell, mother of six and grandmother to nine, is a Catholic journalist, author, and syndicated columnist who has served the dioceses of Metuchen and Trenton, New Jersey, and RENEW International in the areas of catechesis and communication.