Going out to dinner with our six boys was something our family relished. We couldn’t do it often, given the expense, but often enough for it to take on elements of ritual.
We let the boys order for themselves, and for the most part they ordered what they knew they could finish, and always ordered water to drink because not only was soda frowned upon, it added up on the tab.
During one visit to our favorite restaurant, the waiter got around to son # 3, who framed his order, saying, “I’ll start with….”
The table exploded with laughter before he could identify his appetizer, something no one ever ordered since the meal came with a salad bar. He also ordered soda. His brothers asked him if he came into money and was paying the bill.
We never figured out why he broke with tradition, which for some reason was not enough for him on this day, and ordered more than he should have, but it’s in the family archives.
The concept of enough is a difficult one for young children to grasp, and for older children and teens to accept. It’s also often hard for adults to embrace. We may come to a point where we feel if we had more of something, we would be happier, but that happiness is fleeting as our idea of enough gets broader and deeper.
Embracing the state of “enough” requires an understanding of the difference between needs and wants, and the discipline to at least keep the two balanced.
The truth is if we can get a handle on our own understanding of enough, and what it means as far as our own choices go, it is easier to pass on to our children instead of actively trying to teach it to them.
Many children will outgrow their collections of stuffed animals or blankets when they realize there’s not enough room in the bed for them and their collection. It may be more difficult to make a change when it involves screen time or sweets, antagonizing a sibling, complaining or wanting to have just one more snack. It’s not long before children feel like they are in competition with their friends, who may have more or better than they do. This perceived lack can leave them unhappy and unable to be satisfied with the blessings they do have.
Helping them understand that they have enough, do enough and are enough will go a long way toward their developing a positive mindset as adults.
During my lifetime as a parent, there were honestly many times when there wasn’t enough of something, especially money to pay all the bills. I had to make a conscious choice not to live in a mindset of not enough because it often seemed to be a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Then my pre-school class taught me something.
We were learning about Johnny Appleseed and decided to use the Johnny Appleseed song as our classroom prayer/song: “The Lord is good to me, and so I thank the Lord, for giving me the things I need, the sun and the rain and the apple seed. The Lord is good to me.”
They sang it, hummed it, drew it throughout the entire school year.
I adopted it for my own, and still sing it to myself when I need reminding about the difference between want and need, and to stay aware of the sun and rain and apple seeds of my life.
Mary Regina Morrell, mother of six and grandmother to nine, is a Catholic journalist, author, and syndicated columnist who has served the dioceses of Metuchen and Trenton, New Jersey, and RENEW International in the areas of catechesis and communication.